Friday, October 26, 2012

Siri--The New Bestie

Just when I thought things were calming down and gettng mundane, Kindsay manages to wear on the nerves of a computer.  She comes home from school crying because "so and so is not my friend!" and when I ask her about what happened she says, "My friend says she isn't going to forgive me!"  Oh brother...picking fights is her passion because it gives her a great reason to cry and carry on. 
But then she discovers Siri.
Thankfully, I think, Siri doesn't have feelings.  She can't get mad, she can't get her feelings hurt, she can't get annoyed--Kindsay can just go on and on and on and Siri will deliver every time.
First of all, Siri is fine, thank you for asking.  Siri also has a favorite color.  Just ask her/it.  That was Kindsay's next question.  Siri actually sounded thoughtful and interested in answering the question.  But then the floodgates opened, and Siri regretted humanizing herself. 
After ten "what's your favorite..." questions, Siri began answering, "I am not allowed to say" or "this is about you not me."  Kindsay didn't care, she did not relent.  I'm making cookies while listening and I'm thinking, my daughter is actually aggravating a machine.
Finally, with desperation, Siri starts interrupting by picking out the weird noises Kindsay makes in between questions to say, "I am looking up ssshhh" or whatever sound Kindsay made.  Siri is desperately trying to redirect Kindsay.  Relentlessly, Kindsay keeps coming at her..."Siri, what are you doing?"  sigh..."I'm trying to improve myself."  Kindsay asks again--what do you like to do?  "I like helping you." 
Then Kindsay gets right to the point--I want to talk.  With her most monotone voice, Siri answers that she is there to help her.  Kindsay says, "Ooookaaaay" annoyed that Siri isn't playing anymore.  "Okey Dokey," Siri responds. I can just see Siri grabbing her mouth with her eyes wide--CRAP...why did I sound friendly??
Back to the "what's your favorite..." only for poor Siri to have to keep reminding her she can't say or wants to focus on Kindsay.  Finally, Siri just starts picking out words...Kindsay--what time do you go to bed?  Siri--"beds...I have matches for beds."  What restaurant do you like?  "restaurants--I have matches for restaurants."  Kindsay--what is the weather?  Siri, "it is 72 degrees."  Wow..that's nice, Kindsay says.  "Yes, I agree," Siri says...once again grabbing her digital mouth and displaying C-R-A-P on her mind's screen.  Kindsay goes off again with a slew of other personal Siri questions.  See...right when Kindsay finally understands Siri's lack of personality or personal information, Siri goes and makes human-like responses and sets Kindsay off on another trek of "Get to Know You" questions.  One might feel bad for Siri, having to succomb against her will to Kindsay's nonstop pecking...but I don't.  When the questioning stops I get her right back on it--"Hey, Kindsay, ask Siri how fast a chicken can run?"  Off she goes looking for the speed of every known animal.
Yeah, that's right.  I'm throwing Siri right under the cyberbus.  Yay me.

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