Sunday, January 25, 2009

A Rated PG-16 History Lesson

I was not a good girl...not at all. There aren't many things I am proud of from my childhood...and most of it I probably shouldn't talk about because who knows who is reading this and ready to call the Fresno Bee (ok, still...but somethings just have to be taken to my grave, unless you want to take me to lunch, I usually will spill the beans if I'm getting some beans...and rice, and whatever else is on the menu.) To describe myself as a child--mean, tender-hearted (contradicting, isn't it?--but so true, honestly), silly silly silly, immature, boy-crazy, insecure, BUTT UGLY--I had no teeth, still don't but it's not as obvious, and my nickname was "boy" for a while. To elaborate on boy crazy: I loved Donny Osmond, since I was 3, I can remember watching his show in the old house on Helm which I moved out of when I was 4, so yes--I remember it well. Donny could do no wrong, oh man--those dark eyes, that thick hair, those white teeth. Melting. I would fantasize about him being weird is that for a child just leaving her toddlerhood?? (yes, that explains a lot about my teens, but I never stood a chance with that libido, nor did my parents.) My dad likes to tell the story of what happened at Christmas when I was five. I ripped open a gift to find my prince (Donny, pay attention) in all his plastic manliness. It was a dream come true, or so I thought. Dad says I dashed to the bathroom and tore off his clothes only to find that the doll was not anatomically correct. Now do you believe me? FIVE people...and this story came from my father who has probably TRIED to rid his memory of his kindergartener stripping a doll looking for the goods. My next fantasy was John Travolta as Danny from Grease. I actually went to bed naked (seven years old I think) and my mom found me under the covers and asked what I was doing. I was hot, I told her...yeah, hot for John, baby! Oh brother. what a little sicko. Soon after Michael Jackson was my man. I had to pretend I was Irene Cara to be his girl because I thought I had to be black too. Then onto Duran Duran...I couldn't decide so I named my Cabbage Patch Kid Nicholas John Simon Andrew Roger, the little B*****d child had no chance with a mother like me. Who was the father? again, couldn't decide. Soon enough, I went onto the real deal, and the rest is unpublished and quite censored history which will be published in a book OVER MY DEAD BODY, at least long after my grandchildren have come along so I am so far removed from influencing them because they won't be able to picture grandma doing such ghastly things back in the 80s (1980s that is). If I told you, you would never look at me the same and I'd have a permanent blush about me (though, that would save me some cash in the long run because let's face it, I'm no stunner without my face plastered in paste.) All in all, I am a good girl now--the best! Just ask my (regretful?) husband who is reminded daily that a good girl is what he wanted in a wife (that was back when he didn't know what he was missing.) *wink*

Christmas 2008

Well--it's over, and bittersweetness fills my mind as I reflect upon the three wonderful weeks of sleeping in without sleep aids. It all began with the insanity of remodeling my kitchen and greatroom. Why do I get these ideas in my head and think I need to do them? Once a picture is in my mind, there is no stopping me! Just ask my dad who flew to NYC to pick up the van I dreamed up and owned a month later. Anyway, my kitchen was nasty nasty and now it's "like a scene out of Ratatouille" which is what Greg uses to describe it. We also had to buy a new tv and home theater to go with the blue-ray of The Dark Knight, which is what you see in the picture of Greg. Heath and I go way back. We also visited the Tenaya Lodge with the Ward compound, which was a blast! Ice skating, sledding, and gingerbread housing was fun fun fun! Lastly, my in-laws were in town for about 10 tens, which was a lot of fun despite the constant nagging that my heat was not up high enough--(who pays those bills...geesh!) 68-70 degrees is more than enough people! wrap yourselves up already! OK..I'm OK...we all had a great time eating, movie-watching, shopping, and playing (Pismo was perfection I must say, see sunset pic.) The BEST part was sending my little darlings to school and going BACK home to my man (actually, he came home to me because he drove them every morning--love it). Though the movies were dumb, it was fun to have no where to be, no one to answer to, and restaurants to visit without needing a kids' menu! Ten AM became my six AM and my hair was frizzy the whole time as I took a blow-dry break. Because the vacation was so wonderful, I've had to plan the next one so I have something to look forward to--NYC here I come!!