I don't use bad language, not that I'm condemning those that do, but because I don't, my kids are very naive about cuss words. Sometimes it's funny to hear a child innocently cuss, but it's even funnier when they use it incorrectly. The most my son, Garon, has cussed happened in the last month, and within a week of each other. The good thing is that he was so unaware of the words that when he said them he didn't even know how bad they were. The bad thing is that two ugly words came out of my babe's mouth. Bear with me if you haven't heard the story--it's worth it.
Incident #1-- My boys go to an elementary school called Freedom. It was a cold December afternoon, and I was racing to the school to get there in time to watch my oldest son wrestle. I've missed them all because I never get to the school in time, but I keep on trying...and this time it was at his school so I had a great chance! Upon reaching the MPR, I saw him approach me with disappointment which means I missed it, again. He told me how he did, losing by a point, and when his dad got home I reminded him to retell his event. My husband asks, "Who did you wrestle?" My son answers-- TK, the kids at Freedom call them Toilet Kissers, you know..TK? My husband nods, "What do they call you guys?" Well, my son explains, the kids at TK call us the Freedom F***ers. The nonchalance in his tone did not brace Greg for his response. It was like wind knocking out of him as his son's mouth even found a way to form such horror. I'm so glad I missed that conversation. A little boy voice and that word? Inconceivable.
I took my children to see Gulliver's Travels during the winter break. My oldest daughter, Bek, did not go, she had to work, but the rest of us went and loved the film. The only bad part was when Jack Black's character was angry at the guard captain for imprisoning him and referred to him as a "lame-a**" when talking to the other prisoner. The captain happened to be standing behind him and said, "Lame-a** better mean something good where you come from!" Jack said, "Oh yeah, yeah, it means AWESOME, the COOLEST...it's the best thing you can be!" Well, said the captain, I'll have you know I'm the biggest lame-ass you'll ever meet....or something like that. Thinking little of the scene, we move on. It's not until the next day that while shopping with my oldest daughter she recounts how when playing video games with Garon she teased him about being terrible. He lashed back...Hey--I'm better than you at this game--in fact, I'm a lame-a**! My daughter sat stunned, wha...? Garon, she says, first--that's a bad word, and second--it's not a compliment to yourself! I went home laughing at that and when I saw him I said, "Hey Lame-a**!" He immediately went searching for Bek to lay into her. That night we went to dinner with our friends and told them the story. I told my friend to call Garon a lame-a**. When we got to his house after dinner, he casually said, "Hey, how's it going Lame-A**?" Garon stormed out of the room in utter embarrassment and annoyed with me for sharing his foible. Later that evening my friend's brother came over and told Garon to go next door where other little boys were playing. "No, I want to stay here," Garon tells him. The brother says, "But that's where all the boys are, aren't you a boy?" Garon thought he could beat him to it--"Well, maybe I am, or maybe I'm a LAME-A**!" My husband caught the exchange and roared in laughter as my friend's brother slowly turned to him with the look of being completely flabbergasted, even a little guilty as though he drove my son to such lengths! After explaining the story, we got a kick out of using that word at each other the rest of the night. Thankfully, it's been laid to rest. Moral of the story--don't assume your kids understand everything they hear, even at a kid's movie. In other words, don't be a Lame-A**.