Thursday, April 13, 2017

Daddy/Daughter Date Night

If only my children knew how much their father loves them.  They speak, and he jumps to meet the need.  He won't play his video games while they are awake; instead, he'll wait until everyone is asleep and then he'll have his own free time.  He worries that he doesn't spend enough time with them.  He'll follow them around the house and check to see if they need him.  Ugh...I think...if they need me they know where to find me!  No, not Gregory, he wants them to know that their father is here for them at all times.  
So then Kindsay will spend all weekend in her room.  And it bugs him.  I say--she's happy, when she wants attention she'll come get it--right?
Greg doesn't want his baby to be alone, so he goes to her, seeks her out--Kindsay, do you want to go spend time together?  
No, she tells him, but she does want Starbucks (she loves the chocolate frappe thingie.). If you want it, he says to her, you have to go with me to get it. 
Ugh...she replies.  Annoying!--she's thinking.  Why can't he just go get it???
He wants to spend time with her, talk to her, give her some attention--is that too much to ask?
So she gets dolled up. We're talking bling, jewelry, hair bow, big purse--all 9 of the yards.  She stomps down the stairs ready to go.
"OK, I'll go, but I'm sitting in the back of the car and you're going through the drive thru."
Yes, she dressed for the tinted back seat in the drive thru.  
No, he tells her--you will go in and sit with me and we'll have a treat together. 
(Wait, how many kids have a dad that dotes as he does?) 
Kindsay really has no idea that this is actually all for her benefit.  While Greg loves being with them, he really is worried that they will grow up and wish their father spent more quality time with them.  
Yeah...I know, I've told him, and imagine how bad I'm going to look in their rearview?
So again, she's annoyed, but agrees.  I mean, she's getting a treat for heaven's sake.  She's getting something she wants.  On the drive there she laments.  "Why do I have to go in?  Why are you making me do this?  It's like you have special needs.  Yeah, I think you have special needs."  If there was a camera for Greg to look into to give a look of confusion to the audience, he would've.  No camera, he mugs to himself in the mirror.  I'm special needs?--he asks.  Yes, it's like you don't get it.  I just want the treat, I don't want to go in.
They pull up and he does not budge on the deal.  He knows that she could use some 1:1 time with him, she likes to vent about this and that.  She needed the sun on her face (literally 3-4 days indoors in a row.)  She finally gives in.  They go in, get the treat, and go out to the tables to sit and talk.  As she gets situated, here come two guys lighting up cigarettes.  If you know Kindsay, and even if you don't, she cannot tolerate for one second any smoke.  She had been blasting smokers for years about the blackness of their lungs (up until she was seven or eight years when I said people don't think it's cute anymore...don't do it.)  She just won't take it for a second, and won't hold back either.  
Greg knew this.  Up he got from his seat and to the car.
When they got home, Greg gave me the story, maybe he was breaking it to me that he is indeed special needs.  He truly was dumbfounded that she could not understand his true intention.  Here she came again, stomp stomp stomp (she has my huge feet and no grace to her walk.)  "Kindsay, " I say, "That was nice of Daddy to take you out."  She stops...halts actually.  
And here we go.  Buckle up:
"And you know what?  I'm an adult.  I don't think people should be making me do things I don't want to do.  If you think I want to go to Starbucks you're wrong.  You cannot make people do things they don't want to do.  It's wrong--and I didn't want to go.  And I'm tired of you guys making me do things that I don't want to do--it's wrong!  It's just just wrong.  And if you would just stop being bad parents and take me out and not be lazy.  You guys are so lazy you never take me anywhere. I say I want to go somewhere and you say" (use a whiny mocking voice) "'I don't want to' and I'm tired of it...."
OK..this went in a few directions.  First she chewed Greg out for his desire to spend time with her.  Then she went off on us for never taking her out.  Then she called her friend and gave her the earful.  UGH...not worth it---this is the autism spectrum in her--people are a means to an end.  If she wants something, it is our sole responsibility and objective in this life to meet the need/want.  Once we do, our job is done, our usefulness dries up, and we can scooch out of her way.  My mother thinks this is a sign of her being spoiled.  Yes, she is spoiled, but only as long as I want to spoil her.  The rest is just plain ol' Kindsay at her best.  I will remind Greg next time she's quiet in her room for a few days and he wants to get her out--do not wake the beast.

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